Silence
by luna raya
Summary: After living through an unimaginable tragedy, a man finds himself on the brink of despair with no way to turn back.


Hello everyone! While watching the snow melt from my yard the other day, this story popped into my head. It's a sad one, so *tissue warning* is applied here. I hope you all enjoy it and please read and review. I'd love to hear all your thoughts! Thanks and enjoy!

This story is rated M due to subject matter.

**Disclaimer:** Not mine just borrowed some characters for a bit. S. Meyer owns.

* * *

><p><strong>Silence<strong>

Everywhere is cold; a harshness to the wind. It's made the ground hard, impossible. But he doesn't care because it doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore.

His knees crumble against the ground, resting atop last night's snow. He should feel its biting chill. He should acknowledge the cold wet seeping into his jeans. His arms exposed below his t-shirt, should be pleading to be covered in warmth.

He should feel a lot of things.

But he feels nothing now.

His body has become a shell, his heart broken and lost. His soul ripped from him, he is empty.

He knows it didn't have to be this way. He knows that if he'd only fought harder, fought more, the outcome would have been different.

At least that's what he wants himself to know.

His fractured mind still sees pieces of reality. He knows no matter how hard or how strong his fight; the end result would still be the same. He would still feel cold, but not from the weather's chill, he would still have lost his heart, still had his soul ripped away. Nothing would change.

Everything would be the same.

His hand comes to rest against the snow-covered earth beside his knees, the weight of his pain bending him down. He ignores the cold, wetness his fingers seep into.

He can't ignore the agonizing ache tearing apart his chest.

"Why?" he whispers into the cold air, his breath rushing out in front of him.

There is no response. There can be none for there is no answer.

"I tried. I swear I tried." He's crying now, hot tears running down his face, falling into the cold snow. "Everyday I get up. Everyday I try to be normal. I try to just be again. But I can't."

He hears the silence stretch deeper around him, engulfing him.

His eyes look up, gaze toward the trees to the west and the marble stones to the east. Everywhere there is silence. He feels it permeate his flesh; steal away what the power the cold should have over him.

There is truth in this silence. It caresses his mind, soothing his thoughts. He feels the space where his heart once rested whole and strong, become saturated in the void that has been left behind.

There is nothing left for him now.

"You promised. You promised to never leave. You told me you'd always love me, you told me that you'd always be with me." His throat constricts as he fights to say his damnation. He doesn't want to speak ill, but his anguish is too great. "You lied to me."

Both hands now rest against the earth, his body too strife with suffering to continue sitting up. "I lied to you, too." His eyes search the space before him, the hard surface freshly placed. "I promised to go on. I promised to continue, to live. I promised to try to find a way to be happy again. But I lied."

Sobs pour from him now, breaking his words, breaking the silence.

"I don't know what to do without you. I don't know how to live without you." He hears footsteps behind him. He knows they've discovered him, knows his time is short. "I've loved you for so long, since we were small children, that I can't love anyone else. You are my _everything_, how can you expect me to find that with someone else?"

His name is being called in the distance. The footsteps are getting closer.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you and our baby. Please, you have to forgive me! I did everything I could to save you. Please, Isabella, please believe me!" His form crumbles completely against the ground, his pain pouring forth, as his face rests atop the snow. "When that man ran that light, I did everything I could to swerve. I did everything I could to put myself in the way of harm.

"We were so excited. On our way to tell our families that after so long of trying, we were finally pregnant. You looked so beautiful, so absolutely stunning. Everything about you was glowing. I should have paid more attention to the road, but I just couldn't take my eyes off you. I should have seen that car coming, but I didn't until it was too late." His hands try to hold him up. "I want our life, Bella. I want that baby we were gonna have. I imagine it was a girl, with your beautiful eyes and smile. I want those decades of marital bliss we were meant to have."

"_Edward!"_

"_Edward, come on, man!"_

It wouldn't be long now before he was found, his name being shouted so much clearer.

"I can't do this, Bella. I've tried to so hard. But everyday the pain seems to get worse. You are my heart. You are my soul. Without you, I have nothing left. Without our life, I can't even breathe."

"_Please, Edward!"_

"I hope our family can learn to forgive me. I… I left them a note. I'm sure they've found it by now, know of my plans." A sigh leaves his chest, his resolve set. "I'm sorry for the pain I've caused, but this is the only way. I need to be with you, Bella. I need to be with you and our baby."

Rising back to his knees, he slowly lifts up the revolver he bought two days after the accident. It's cold and his hands are shaking as he places the barrel against his temple. "I love you, Bella. I love you and I'll see you soon. I'm sorry."

There is a loud crack, the silence broken as his body falls with a thud against the snow-covered earth. What once was pristine white is now tainted with red. His family is too late. Their screams are too late.

_I know what I've done is selfish. I know, were I a more religious man, it would be a sin. But you must understand. Bella is my whole life. For six months I've attempted to live. I've tried to go on. But her loss is too much. Her absence is too great. I can't keep my promise to her. I can't pretend to be happy when the only person who made me happy has been taken from me._

_We were going to be parents. We were going to have a beautiful child, someone to carry on for us once our time was through. But what of their time, they didn't even get to experience time. It seems to me a sick joke to play on people so destined for happiness. And we were; we were meant for greatness. But now that's gone._

_What do you do when your heart is so broken, you can't breathe? What do you do when the reason for everything is gone? How do you go on? _

_I don't know how to live any more. So I don't want to. I'm so sorry for the agony I've undoubtedly caused you all. I'm so sorry my selfishness; my heartache has led to this. But I can't go on anymore. I can't pretend any longer. I have been nothing but a shell these last six months. _

_I need to be with Bella again. I need to meet our child. I need them more than I need air to breathe, or this life to live. I hope once day you will be able to forgive me. I am so sorry._

_Love your son and brother,_

_Edward_


End file.
